Happy Birthday Dib!
by Invader Xenial
Summary: Small little fluff I wrote for after Irken or Human? If you wanna know what happens, read the story.


"DIIIB!" Gaz cried from downstairs.

He hurriedly pressed the blue center of the hologram bracelet Zee had given him. Instantly he became his human self.

"Coming Gaz!"

_She scares me…_ Dib's conscience, or psychelia in Irken terms muttered. He had named himself Gangali, which meant _The Smarter One._

"She scares everyone, Gang." Dib muttered. He rushed downstairs to meet his terrifying sister.

"Dad said that he'll be gone for six months. He's doing some kind of experiment with the Cyber-Kitty again." Gaz said, squinting at her brother.

She and their father, Professor Membrane, didn't know that Dib had become an Irken. Membrane didn't notice when Dib was missing, and Gaz said she enjoyed the time alone.

"Great." Dib groaned.

"And it's your turn to make dinner again." Gaz said, turning to leave.

"What? NO!" Dib cried. "I made it last night!"

"You were gone for _days, _Dib. I had to make dinner then, so you have to make it now!" Gaz snapped, opening her right eye.

"Okay, okay." Dib said, recoiling from her. He backed away and pulled on his jacket.

"Where are you going?" Gaz snapped suspiciously.

"To…. uh… EXPOSE ZIM FOR THE MENACE THAT HE IS!" Dib cried, then threw open the door dramatically.

"Be back by six!" Gaz called.

_How has she not killed you yet? _Gang asked.

Dib ignored him. He was actually heading to the base of his former enemies, Zee and Zim. They had reached truce after his transformation, and became reluctant "buds", as Gang put it.

Dib knocked on the base door.

"Go away, or I'll blow your face off!" a female voice shouted. Dib rolled his eyes.

"Zee, it's me!" He called.

"Gimme a sec…. MiRR, that is not food! Get off of your daughter's head, GIR!" The door opened to reveal a blonde girl with blue eyes, dressed in a filthy tee-shirt and jeans.

"Get in." She sighed. Dib entered and was greeted by the hyper-active SIR twins, GiGi and MiRR, the children of Zim and Tak's SIR units.

"What happened?" He asked, looking around the place. Food stains were on the wall and the couch was upside down. The painting of a green monkey was crooked, and the bookcase was lying flat on the floor.

"The idiot gave them caffeine." Zee said, her holographic disguise gone. Instead of the young human girl, stood a tall Irkeness with very bright blue eyes and curly, circular antennae.

"Which idiot?" Dib asked, trying to wrench a screaming GIR off of his head.

"Zim." She sighed. "GiGi, MiRR, GIR! Nappy time!" she said sweetly.

Instantly the SIRs fell into a deep sleep, snoring loudly.

"I didn't think that would work.." Zee said, looking surprised. She turned to Dib. "Is he ready?"

_LEMMEOUTAHERE! _Gang screamed.

"He's ready." Dib said.

He and Gang had been exited about getting the psychelia a Noid, simply for the sole purpose of having some alone time.

"Then come on!" Zee said, grabbing Dib's hand and leading him to the toilet.

She jumped inside and flushed, sending her down to the lab. Dib followed quickly, and stumbled into the purple base.

"Hey there, idiot." Hail, the blind Irken warrior smirked. During the Earth invasion, he had become Zee's bodyguard, and lived in the base with her. His rude and snarky psychelia, Zone, had been given his own Noid, and was currently sending gerbils into the sun, snickering when they made impact.

"Hullo, Hail." Dib grumbled. He brushed himself off and followed Zee. She guided him to a holding tank, where a naked* Irken seemed to be sleeping. His antennae were slightly jagged, like Dib's old hair.

*_I know what you're thinking, but please remember that Irkens don't have "those parts". We've all seen Zim as a smeet, just picture that, but bigger.* _

"This will be Gang's Noid." She explained. "I will have to extract him from you and place him into this body."

"Hey… it doesn't have a PAK." Dib realized.

"No Noids do. Isidar and Zone wear fake ones. Only Irkens can carry PAKs, other life forms become corrupted." Zee said, hunching over the control board.

Dib shuddered as he remembered when Zim's PAK had attached itself onto him. It was horrible….

"Dib, this might hurt." Zee said, holding up a large needle. Without warning, she snapped off his PAK and plunged the needle into it.

"HEY!" Dib cried. He felt his life-clock count down from ten minutes. Zee pulled out the needle, and it was filled with a strange blue liquid. She tossed him his PAK back, and he snapped it on quickly. She then dropped the needle into the holding tank, where a robotic hand inserted the liquid into the Noid's back. The Noid twitched and jerked, then opened his gold eyes.

"Oi! Lemme out!" it said, in Gangali's voice. Zee drained the tank and opened the door. Gang stepped out, examining his new body. Flexing his fingers and toes (he had only two), he grinned at Dib. Then he punched him in the face.

_"Oh, what the hell is wrong with you?"_ Dib groaned, holding his bruised cheek.

_"Level Up."_ Gang cried, and then ran away. "I CAN RUN! I CAN BREATHE! I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR HIS VOICE IN MY HEAD AGAIN!"

"You sure he's your psychelia?" Zee asked, watching the Noid run around like a madman.

"Yeah, why?" Dib asked, rubbing his stinging cheek.

"No reason." She grinned, as Gang swung on a wire like Tarzan.

"HEY! PUT ON SOME BLEEDING CLOTHES!" Tak screamed, poking her head around the corner.

"_Why_?" Gang asked, landing in front of her. "_Do you find this,_" He struck a goofy pose. "_Distracting?"_

"Ugh!" She said, disappearing from view.

Gang clutched his side as he laughed, then fell over when Zee chucked a ball of clothes at him.

"Dib, I have to make a quick call. Can you stay with Gang for a sec?" Zee asked.

"Sure." Dib shrugged.

She disappeared into the next room, and the door slid shut behind her.

Gang pulled on his shirt, a dark grey one. His striped pants were a uniform purple, and he examined his reflection in a holding tank.

"I like it." He muttered, turning around. "Your girlfriend has a nice taste."

"She's not my girlfriend." Dib muttered.

Gang sighed. "You know she likes you. The girl literally grew a heart for you."

"Yeah…" Dib said softly, shifting uncomfortably.

"Why don't you date her then? It's not like there will be another girl who'll have a crush on you." Gang said casually.

Dib rolled his eyes. "She's just…."

"What?" Gang said, straightening his new antennae, but they sprang back into the jagged shape.

"She's still Irken." Dib muttered.

"Now you're just being racist." Gang said, trying to straighten them again, to no avail.

"No, I mean, she might try to take over Earth, like before." Dib recovered quickly.

"Zim tried to do that, remember? Zee never did." Gang was now pulling the antennae as far away from his skull as possible.

"Her whole race is evil. She might have a relapse."

"Suit yourself." Gang released the antennae, and they finally stood straight. He smirked. They sprung back into the jagged shape. "ARGH!"

Dib laughed and walked away. He passed the door to the communication room, and heard a deep voice.

"You sure? These things could be dangerous."

"I love them! They are exactly what I need. He's been so stubborn, but I'm sure these will be perfect." Zee's voice said excitedly.

"But miss… these things could blow up a whole planet!" The deep voice said, raising in a panic.

Dib froze. It sounded like Zee was ordering bombs!

"Your point?" Zee said coldly.

"Nothing, nothing…." The voice said, sounding scared.

"Oh, these will be perfect for Dib!" She continued, sounding excited.

Dib stepped back, horrified. She wanted to use bombs on him?!

"Gotta go, see you later Turi!" Zee said.

Dib jumped and bolted away from the door. He grabbed Gang by the scruff of his neck and dragged him away.

"BYE!" Dib yelled at no one, as Gang writhed in his grasp. Dib dragged him all the way from the base to his house, glad that no one noticed two aliens barreling down the street. He shoved Gang inside and slammed the door behind him.

"What the Irk is wrong with you?!" Gang cried, rubbing his throat, a sour expression on his face.

"Zee…. She's gonna use bombs on me! I TOLD YOU SHE WAS EVIL! But you didn't believe me! NO ONE BELIEVES ME!" Dib shouted, pacing furiously.

"Calm down, and tell me what happened." Gang said, forcing Dib onto the couch and sitting down in the opposite chair, pulling a notepad out of nowhere.

Dib explained what happened as best he could, and Gang slumped in the chair, looking bored.

"Seems normal to me." Gang yawned.

"Normal? _NORMAL? _Oredering bombs that can blow up a planet and intending to use them on me is normal?" Dib cried, his eyes wide with disbelief.

"For Irkens, yeah." Gang shrugged.

"I gotta do something…. I have to stop her!" Dib shouted, then raced upstairs. Gaz walked into the room with her GameSlave, and looked up to see Gang.

They stared at each other for a while, then Gaz say down to play her game.

"Can I watch?" Gang asked.

"Don't mess me up." Gaz growled, and he peeked over her shoulder to see.

Upstairs, Dib wracked his brain for an idea. "Of course! I'll call the Swollen Eyeball!" He pressed the center of his bracelet, once again becoming human, then opened his laptop to make the call.

"_What is it, Mothman?" _Agent Darkbootie answered.

"How would the Eyeball reward me if I brought the leader to a race of aliens?" Dib asked.

"_Handsomely, Mothman. But pictures can be proven to be fake-"_

"I'm not talking about pictures. I can get you a living, breathing alien." Dib replied.

Darkbootie grinned excitedly.

"I'll get her at the agency by noon tomorrow." Dib said, closing the laptop.

/

"Really? A date?" Zee asked.

"Yeah, I have a surprise waiting for you." Dib said.

"Sure!" She cried, turning on her disguise and hopping out the door.

"But it's only a surprise if you wear this blindfold." Dib said, holding up the black fabric.

"How so?" Zee asked, confused.

"It's an Earth thing." He said, tying it around her head. "Now, I'll lead you-"

"Dib, I can still see." Zee said. Dib checked the blindfold. It was completely covering her eyes. She smirked.

"Antennae help Irkens see, Dib. That's how Hail can walk around without help."

She reached up and seemed to grab two strands of hair. She tucked them into the blindfold.

"AH'M BLIND!" She cried, and ran head-first into her fence.

"Yeah…. I'll lead you." Dib said, taking her arm.

/

"My feet hurt…." Zee complained.

"We're here." Dib said, leading her into the Swollen Eyeball headquarters. A guard stopped him when he reached th elevator.

"State your business." He said gruffly.

"Agent Mothman to see Darkbootie." Dib said importantly.

The guard looked at him suspiciously, then let him through. In the elevator, Dib was shaking with excitement. _Finally I can prove I'm not crazy!_

"Dib, where are we?" Zee said, reaching for her blindfold.

"NO!" He smacked her hand away. "We're not there yet."

The elevator opened to reveal Agent Darkbootie, dressed in a large trench coat. "Where is it, Mothman?"

"She's right here." Dib said, leading Zee forward.

"Dib?" She asked nervously. "What's going on?"

"But this is a girl." Darkbootie said, looking confused. Dib smirked and snapped off her necklace. Her image flickered, then disappeared, revealing a green, insect-like alien with her antennae tucked behind her blindfold.

"HEY!" She cried, ripping off her blindfold. "Dib, what in the Tallests's name are you doing?!"

"Magnificent! The Swollen Eyeball have never seen a real alien!" Darkbootie exclaimed, bending down to look at her. "And you say she is the leader of her race?"

"GETOUTAMAHFACE!" She cried. She rose up on her PAK legs and glared at both of them. "I am Xenial, and I am not to be trifled with!"

"GUARDS!" Darkbootie cried. Guards stormed through the hall, advancing on Zee. She shouted in alarm and tried to leap over them, but her PAK began sparking furiously. She crashed to the floor, where she was seized by two guards and carried away.

"CURSE YOU DIB!" She shrieked.

"What are you going to do to her?" Dib asked nervously.

"A physical examination, then questioning. We'd like to know more of her kind. Can you get us any more aliens?" Darkbootie asked.

Dib thought of Hail. The warrior would rip him to shreds. Zim wouldn't trust him. Nikki, Zim's daughter, would be too stubborn. Tak, no. Zone, no. Isidar, no….

"Sorry, she's the only one I knew." Dib lied.

"That's quite all right. Let us discuss your reward." Darkbootie said happily.

/

"LET ME GO! I AM AN IRKEN ELITE! GET AWAY OR I'LL EAT YOUR FACE!" Zee screamed as the guards carried her into a large room. They threw her on the floor and left, slamming to door behind them.

"Stupid humans….. I should have let them die!" Zee growled to herself. She brushed herself off and snapped off her PAK. It floated in the air in front of her, and a holographic screen beamed out of the top button.

"_Call Zim." _She ordered in Irken.

"_Did you say, call Shloogorghs?" _The communicator asked.

"_NO! Call Zim!"_ Zee snapped.

"_Did you say, call Callnowia?"_

_"NO! You idiot!"_ Zee growled.

"_Calling Zim."_

"EH? What is it?" Zim asked. Behind him, it looked like the laser-weasel experiment had gone horribly wrong.

"Zim, I'm at the Swollen Eyeball Agency. Dib set me up. I need you to rescue me." Zee said.

"Zim does not care for such small-"

"He could bring you in, too."

"The filthy worm-baby! Zim shall go!" Zim cried, racing off-screen.

Zee snapped her PAK back on and sighed. She would have to wait now… Why didn't her PAK legs work? Maybe her PAK was weakened from being separated from her…

The far door slid open to reveal Agent Disembodied Head. A small bird was perched on his shoulder, and it glared at Zee. "So. You're the alien."

"To you." Zee snapped. "Let me go, or suffer the consequences."

"What consequences? Are there more of you?" He asked.

"Yes. And they will rip you limb from limb for imprisoning me." Zee said smugly.

"We only want to know more about your species." The Agent explained.

"Ain't telling ya." Zee said stubbornly.

The Agent hesitated for a moment. "Come on, please?"

"Nope."

"Pretty please?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Fine."

"Really?!"

"Nah."

"Fine. Then we'll do it the hard way." The Agent said, snapping his fingers. Guards flooded into the room, forcing the girl onto an examination table. Remembering her torture by Yawe, she began to panic.

"Let's get started." The Agent said, crossing over to the equipment table.

/

Zee was thrown into her cell unceremoniously, and she collided with the cot. She groaned stood up. The testing was horribly long and dull. It didn't hurt, as the Agents only poked her with various things, seeing how she would react. They also demanded her questions about the Irkens, which she admitted nothing about. But they had mentioned that they would start the autopsy tomorrow.

She began to pace her cell, worried. HOW could she have ever liked Dib? She hated him, despised him. He would sell her soul if it meant being noticed.

"Ugh, WHERE is Zim?" She grumbled. Her rear wall then exploded with a loud crash, sending her across the floor.

"Zim to the rescue!" Came the familiar voice. Zim stood in his victory pose, smirking at the destruction.

"We're here too, you know." Hail muttered, climbing up. He was followed by Nikki, then the SIR twins.

"How did you guys get up here?" Zee asked, standing up.

"GIR threw us." Nikki pointed. Far down bellow stood a grinning GIR. He giggled and ran away.

"Daddy said he was gonna get tacos." GiGi said happily. "Can we go too?"

"No, GiGi." Zee said.

"Awww…."

"Fantastic. Now we can't get down." Hail said, sighing.

"Can't the twins fly us away?" Zee asked.

"They're too small." Isidar said. "MiRR tried to fly away with a cupcake yesterday and yanked his arm off."

"We go this way!" Zim said, strutting down the hall.

"There are guards here." Zee said, running after him.

"Then they will face the wrath of ZIM!"

The band of Irkens barreled down the hall. They saw a group of Agents chatting, and Zim screamed, "GET OUT OF THE WAY!" While flailing his arms like a maniac. The Agents shouted and lunged out of the way.

This continued as they ran to an elevator. The Irkens jumped inside as the doors began to close. They stared at Agent Tunaghost as she gaped at them.

"Hey." Hail waved.

Startled, she waved back.

They stood awkwardly, the SIR twins swaying to the elevator music.

When they arrived at their floor, the Irkens began running again. Zee caught sight of Dib talking to Agent Darkbootie in the cafeteria, and bolted over to him.

"YOU HORRIBLE HUMAN!" She shrieked, punching him.

"Hey!" he cried, as he fell out of his seat.

"Why the Irk did you trick me? I thought we were friends!" She cried, shaking with anger.

"I heard you in the communication room! You were going to use bombs on me!" Dib snapped.

"Bombs? What bombs? I was ordering fireworks for your birthday!" She exclaimed.

"W-what?" He asked, confused.

"You always told me how much you loved them, so I ordered some Vortian fireworks! I was gonna launch them into space and we could watch them explode!" She cried. "_It was going to be fucking beautiful!"_

"B-but your friend said that they could blow up a planet!" Dib cried.

"Turi is such a worry-wart. He was such a pain back in the Academy." Zee rolled her eyes. She turned to Agent Darkbootie. "Dib here is an alien too."

She turned off his bracelet and his disguise vanished. Ignoring Darkbootie's gasp, she kicked Dib in the side and stomped away. "Happy Birthday, jerk!" She called, running after her friends.

Dib groaned and stood up. "I'm fired, aren't I?" He mumbled to Darkbootie.

/

"I hate him!" Zee shouted, pacing the base. "I need to make him pay..."

"I can do it." Hail said, taking out his blood sword.

"No, too messy." She said.

"Zim shall take care of the Dib..." Zim chuckled evilly.

"No, too dramatic." She said. "I need to publicly humiliate him, and have him get hurt horribly, but never die."

"That sounds like a fangirl's Dareshow." Isidar said.

"Dare... Show?" Zee asked.

"It's a place where people can dare others to do humiliating things or tell embarrassing truths for all to hear." Isidar explained. "But of course," she laughed lightly. "It's impossible. It is made up, completely-"

"I'LL START A DARESHOW!" Zee cried.

"Hoo boy..." Gang sighed.

**_AND THAT'S HOW THE DARESHOW OF ZIM WAS MADE_**

_***Name the references! Note, they are all in italics.***_


End file.
